I know I haven't bern penning down my thoughts. I am totally spent by end of the day after work or when I am free, my mind don't feel like speaking up, too many backspacing going on.
The grind hasn't been too kind. I was choked slam back to back since Monday through Wednesday causing me pretty intense panic attacks. The screaming culture gets to me after 15 years. By end of Wednesday, my soul felt as if it had been butchered inside out, my soul drag around town for the world to see. It was tiring pretending i was ok and end of the day crash and burn from faking it.
It was a sign i guess when my mom said she don't feel good today. I was debating at 2am when I was sponging the sick boy. Will i even survive work with almost zero sleep?
I need this break. From going mental at the grind.
Today, my mother in law went through the Angiogram procedure. Unfortunately, it caused complications to the wee old lady heart and now she is in the Coronary Intensive Unit Care ward and on the heart support machine. My mom came over and held her hand, stroking my mak's hand. She told her to stay positive and don't give up. Mak looks like she's giving up from the way she speaks.
I fed her dinner and tears rolled down her cheeks. I held back mine. I wiped her mouth. I kissed her forehead and almost in a pleading voice telling her to please rest. She's due for a heart bypass surgery this Saturday.
You are in my doas Mak.