Monday, 26 January 2015

Day 30: THE END OF 30 DAY CHALLENGE AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Day 30: Hand-write The Month And Day You Were Born


  


Midnight! Yey! 

I finally did it ey? I completed the 30 day writing challenge. ME who never seem to finish what she started, finished this challenge. Wohooo. Yey me. What better way to end this by celebrating my birthday on this day as well bwaawhwahwa. 


Do i feel 36? My body screams yes. Easily lethargic and tired and falling asleep at 930pm hello. I used to fish for people to wish me on my birthday, especially on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You know like days prior to the b-day I would go around posting status PEOPLE DON'T FORGET TO WISH ME ON MY BIRTHDAY THIS 26TH! I WANT A PUNCHING BAG! Yes shameless right? Then I will  rejoice at the numbers of people wishing me. WHAT 300 over wishes! *beams and boasts*

Alhamdullilah I believe I lived my life well at 36. There are many ups and inevitable downs,. The downs only made me push to work on being a better human being. Lost many friends, but the ones who stayed are the ones best remained. 

Now I wish for a quieter birthday. Celebrating it with the loved ones. Although unfortunately, The Husband is not in town for the 2nd time during my birthday period. Sad but well, life goes on.

What do I want for my birthday?

Well the normal things. What is wealth without health right? So yea good health, be a better me, to work on being a more loving wife and mother, may Allah swt bless my marriage till the end of time, to have more sabr (patience) and be shukr (thankfulness) and content of what I have, blessed to be given another year to work on myself; be it spiritually, physically *flex arms*, financially and mentally. I will treat myself better, heck I will treat me like she's like the only best friend that I have in the whole wide world! (please note: i do NOT have any best friends. close, good friends yes, best no. so i am my own best friend *dust shoulders* hawhahwahaw) 

What do I want for my birthday from The Husband?

His undying love. *snickers* Love letters. Kisses. Hugs. Kidnapping me somewhere. Surprise me dood! 

Oh wells, I will be back after I eat lotsa cakes and then moan about being fat later on. I took leave today just because. Ok fine, I want to avoid getting yelled or stress at work. Not on my birthday, no Ma'am! Bahahha! 

At this hour, I switched on Boney M and jiggle my cellulite brown ass to it. Happy happy joy joy day to me~

Here's to many more adventures to come, if god wills. 

Happy 36th Birthday Me. You are awesome, don't let anyone else tells you otherwise. (even so, my ego stands firm yo. ehem)

ps: i am waiting for my punching bag as well as that new oven that decided to die on us a month ago. ehem. wahaah ok wait, no. where to bloody place all those items in my pigeon hole of a house. decisions decisions. 

pps: i may go older but can i not grow up? bahahha.

Friday, 23 January 2015

Day 29: Friday's Earwax

Day 29: Today's Playlist

Wooot. 1 day more to go before i wrap up this challenge! Wooo.

Today's playlist are as follows (in case you can't see the scribble and doodling)

Fightstar - The Days I Recall Being Wonderful
Operation Ivy - Bombshell
Finch - Without You Here
The Used - Buried Myself Alive
Nirvana - Lovebuzz
Silverchair - Miss You Love
Smashing Pumpkins - Today
Bayside - Just Enough To Love You

I love how the lyrics seem to scream out at me.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Day 28: "Because I Say So!"

Day 28: Thou Shall Take No Shit

It will be so easy to say BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER HENCE I SAY SO! Instead I use reversal psychology tactic. Remember I mentioned she kicked up a fuss about not wanting to go to school. I decided to do a reward system, yet again for her. You can call this bad parenting BUT this is a one time thing. Anyways who are we to judge how people parent their kids eh? To each their own what. Right? Right?

run child, be free, BUT unfortunately we have rules and a system to adhere here, child


So I came back from work and we discussed. Sat her on my lap and asked "how come you don't like school suddenly? I thought you were pretty excited to go?" She emphasized that because her friends in class are crying and they all wanted to go home so she also cried. 

I asked her again "Did anything happened in class" "Were the teachers stern" (because some kids are pretty sensitive about all these aka my kid). "Were they scolding your friends?" "Did something happen to you?" "Did somebody hurt you?" "What's your friends' names who are crying?" "Why don't you go over and pacify them? Tell them it's ok! It's alright! You go give them a hug ok?"

Oh boy, those sure came off as if I was interrogating her.

She looked bored and replied "no". 

I diverted the questions to "so what's happening in class". "Did you learn something new today?". She pouted and sighed "i don't want to go school, it's boring" I asked again, "what is it that you like in school"  She beamed. "OH i can dance, i can sing, i can run around in the class, I can zumba"  

Zumba eh?? 

So I gently told her "ok, then why don't you see that as something that you can look forward to, you know, you can have fun in those activities!" I took out my imaginary pompoms and cheered her on "YEY SCHOOL IS FUN! YEY!" 

She nodded but still didn't look too convincing. 

Last resort, I told her if she behaves and tries her best to go to school without creating problems for her Nenek, I will give her a reward by end of the week. She nodded enthusiastically. "YEY A SURPRISE! JUST FOR ME?" She exclaimed, giving me that lit up, puppy-eyed face. I sighed deeply. "Yes, only if YOU behave, capish little compadre??"

Another enthusiastic nod. 

Before I head off to work yesterday, I kissed her and whispered, "Remember arr, you promise me you will go to school today. I will Face-time you later on ok?" She stirred and nodded in her sleep. "I love you ok budak kecik". She nodded and muttered "ok". 

 

Exactly at 1300 hours, I stood in front of Toys R Us and told her "LOOK AT ALL THE POSSIBILITY YOU CAN GET WHEN YOU GO TO SCHOOL! OH GEEE WOOOOOW."

"I want Frozen Umi!"

My daughter has finally fallen onto the Frozen bandwagon, yes sire. I told her "Nooo, what is this! I'll get to choose. It IS supposed to be a surprise right?"

Then she insisted, "OK then a telescope and a dinosaur!" 

*rolls eyes* 

So after walking aimlessly around the store just to give her a 'feel' of the reward she will be getting, she said "UMI I GOING TO SCHOOL NOW BYE!"

Umi 1 - Kid 0


I went over to Isetan instead and redeemed the voucher that was expiring soon bahaha. Yey to no money spent! So off I went and collected a couple of 'surprises'.  A Frozen toy she will get but THAT will be saved for end of the week,  of course if she behaves.



Umi 1 - Darya 1
Grr

I came back home and she gave me a look over. I stashed the surprises in my tote bag so she won't suspect a thing. "Umi, did you get me my Frozen?" I reminded her, "End of the week remember?"  I handed her over a Moon-torch instead.

I was ending my Maghrib prayers when I saw her rummaging through my bag. 

"Hello! Hello! What's this arrrr? You are NOT supposed to go through my stuff without permission you know!"

"UMI! OMG! I SAW MY ANNA! SHE'S MY FAVORITE!"

After that came the pleadings and begs for me to open the packaging for her. This is where I stepped in again. Oh no my child, you got to learn delayed gratification. I told her the time she skipped school and threw tantrum, plus the trouble she caused her Nenek, AND rummaging through my bag, that will be how long she will get to see her Anna. 

I was taking my time to eat my dinner.  "Umi, now please"

"Nope, not yet. its not even 5 minutes babe. You wait."

"Now?"
"Where's the magic word young lady?"
"Please thank you"

Washed the dishes, ironed my work clothes at a very slow pace. Puppy-eyed face girl stood beside me and started pleading. "please?" I shook my head and ignored her pleas. Her whining begun. I said 'Darya I-Nur, you have to practice sabr. Then you get what you want." She went to her Nenek, I shook my head from far to warn my mom not to give in. 

"5 minutes already! Why you don't want to open my Anna!"

I reminded her again, she must practice patience then she will get what she wants. Sorry, this is tough love my child. 

Distraction time. I played with her Moon-torch and read her a story. We ended up creating our own story as always. 




She totally forgot about her Anna and was so engrossed in the story she created. I shone the moon on her storybook as added effect. That got her pretty excited. 2130 hours and lights out for now. I shone the moon on the ceiling. 

Hey look, the moon is smiling down on us me ehem.


Final score?
Umi 2 - Darya 1

do you want to build a moon man?

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Day 27: Who's Afraid of The Big Bad Fear

Day 27: Your Fears

Allah says: “It is only Satan who suggests to you the fear of his votaries: 
Be not afraid of them, but fear Me, if you have faith.” [Sûrah Al `Imrân: 175] 


Fear of losing my loved ones. Metaphorically speaking as well as literally. Both ways. Losing them in death. Losing them in straying away from what you were brought up to believe in. 

With all the incidents going on, I would be lying if I said the thought never cross my mind whenever The Husband took off. I believe goodbyes at the airports are the most heartfelt, sincerest and filled with so much intensity. For me at least. I suppress as much as I could of my worry wart-ness to the minimum ever since Motherhood. I don't want to have so much stuff boggling my head especially when I am handling the kid on solo duty. No joke man trying to squeeze your brains for solutions. There would be times I feel that I am overload with stuff on my shoulders that needed to be resolved. I breathe and take it easy, take it slow. There is only so much I could handle, there is only 1 Erda.  What I could do is make duas for him for safe journey back and forth and have trust in God's plan. 

Losing someone you love who strayed?

I am worried about someone who seemed to be lost in his direction and straying away from Islam. 
I need help in approaching him in a gentle manner. I don't want to push him further away. 
How do i convince him. 

I seek advise somewhere out of Singapore. Because I feel Singapore's religious system can be too, hmm generic? Follow by the book given by government kind of thing plus it's the MELAYU MENTALITY lah that I chose to avoid. Heh. Moreover with the bad light we have been getting from media what not, I feel that we are often being misjudged and misunderstood. The internet has too much conflicting information and sometimes people may be misguided. (I think word of the day is 'MIS') There is no compulsion in our religion and we cannot force them. The only way is via gentle approach and if there's no result out of it, they are always in my duas. No point in engaging and debate because ultimately Islam is about peace and submission. I pray that Allah will give the loved ones insight and leads them back to the right path, before it's too late insya'allah. Always in my last sujud (prostration), I pray for them. I hope in the state that I am in, my prayers will be heard, insya'allah ameen. 

**note: please eh i am not trying to sound holier than thou just because I am now a Hijaber (is there such a word whahwaha) I have been doing this way before i am covered. thank you very much. end note**

A good friend mentioned that I have this habit of being too affected and then taking on the responsibility role in my family. I am trying to loosen up a little though but how eh? I think I have been thinking way too much on how to tackle and resolve the issues at home since back then. Hence, I stayed put. I would have take flight back then but nope, here i am staying rooted. I will not give up without a fight (the gentle one). I will not let them die that way.

The reply I received? 

You have to know with a person like that. You cannot force them to do anything but slowly first make dua for him all the time. And show him Islam through you the way you act towards him always being sweet and kind even if he does bad, be nice at all times. Because when they are young they want to do anything and everything. Make it less of a lecture but more "let's do it together". you are the sibling not a parent you don't want to be strict. Siblings have a great way of influencing one another. He might not change right away but slowly he will In Shaa Allah. Mostly try to do things little bit but not all at once. start with prayers. Work on that for a while then slowly start going outside to lectures etc. You can check out our pages once in a while we post some amazing videos. https://www.facebook.com/allahtheheartopener/videos If he is better at you in something like Quran, act silly and sometimes be like, "I can't read this word can you help me or I don't understand it please explain it to me." Try a few of these and see what happens. May Allah guide him in the right path.

You don't know how much that email response put a huge Cheshire cat smile on my face. Right now i shall take it easy. I will do the best I could and leave the rest to fate. I have ordered a book Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed to present it to that someone. May his heart be opened and find inner peace within himself. Ameen Ameen Ameen.

There is an answer to the darkest times
Its clear we don't understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you
I believe that were in this together
Don't scream, there are so many roads left - Mika, Relax, Take It Easy




So to the question, ‘once something is lost, does it return?’ the answer is yes. It returns. Sometimes here, sometime there, sometimes in a different, better form. But the greatest gift lies beneath the taking and the returning. Allah tells us: “Say, ‘In the bounty of Allah and in His mercy – in that let them rejoice; it is better than what they hoard.’” (Quran, 10:58)
--Yasmin Mogahed, excerpt from Reclaim Your Heart

Monday, 19 January 2015

Day 26: "Umi, I Want Brown Girl In The Ring"

Day 26: A Song That You Heard Again For The First Time In Years!

This could be listed as THE current song that reminds me of a certain event recently, my current happy song on repeat mode and a song that I haven't heard in years! 




The Husband played it on Spotify on the day we were preparing to check out from the stay-cation 2 weeks ago. Boney M - Brown Girl In The Ring is us girls' current ear wax. The kid would want it to be played over and over so much that it's ringing in my ears and got me humming at work or doing household chores. 

I remembered my parents used to taped all these on a VCR player. Those good old Solid Gold days back in the 80s.  


shalalalala~

The song also represent the 1 month we had with The Husband. Never fail to put a smile on our faces whenever I hear it being played and the kid singing more like screaming along to it!

Did i mention I spoke too soon about the kid liking school? 

Well, she decided school is boring (alas it's not even a month!) and started to throw a tantrum each time she goes to school. Yesterday, I tried to make her feel better and explain why she needs to be in school. She said "No, don't want to go anymore. Don't want. I don't like you!" I wrapped my arms around her and asked again what makes her don't like school. She started to pout, eyes watery. So I changed the topic and asked her if she wanted to listen to Brown Girl again. Her eyes lit up and nodded enthusiastically. After dancing off to that, she said I love you Umi. 

Problem still not solved though. I need to figure out a way to build her interest in going to school. 

1. Should I take leave to tend to her that she goes to school without kicking a fuss.
2. Should I start using rewards or baits in order for her to be in school.

And me, I have to stay calm and rational. rational rational rational *echo echo echo get that in your head Erda*

Breathe. *listens to Boney M*